First Day Jitters

Hannah Banana began third grade today! Might as well be middle school as far as I'm concerned. I just don't know where the time went.

She was so nervous this morning, so much so that she could barely stand to eat a granola bar. But as soon we got to the bus stop and she saw her friend, she was all smiles and forgot about her sisters and I waiting in the background.

So how was her day?

She bounded off the bus full of smiles and hugs and said she had a "GREAT day!". I knew she would; a mom knows these sorts of things.

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Finding & Making Our Place

I just realized I have to re-define "normal" for the kids and I.
Leaving behind family and longtime friends in the move means they can no longer be a part of our regular lives. Our new normal means we have to get used to that fact and includes a new way of life--a culture shock of sorts (cause let's face it, this place is one of the most backwards places we've ever lived!), new friends, a new school, a new baby and an even busier schedule than before .


We're big on routine in our family but things have been so willy-nilly since last October-November, that routine has been thrown out the door and I feel really disconnected. Thankfully school starts on Tuesday and Hannah is looking forward to it- even more than I am! I'm really hoping to get back into the groove of things but I think life is just going to get crazier. 5, 6, 10 months ago, while living in a hotel and knowing virtually no one, I couldn't imagine being able to say that about our life out here.


To find out I was pregnant right after moving into our house, which was a huge shock, getting sick for 3 months, and Hannah knowing very few kids here - it really made for a difficult summer. My girls have mastered the art of tattle-taling and fight daily, so that is the icing on the cake. I am so, so ready for Hannah to go back to school and make friends her age. She can be a big help at times, but she's at that point where there is an obvious separation between her and her younger sisters. They are still little and not in school; she's going into 3rd grade and mumbles how she can't wait to be 16. They want to follow her around and get into her stuff; she wants to be left alone and given the privileges of a teenager. (Yeah, she's a fun one at times!)


Travis would beg to differ, but I cannot wait for summer's end. We've had some awesome fall-like weather recently which has enabled me to turn off the A/C and open windows, inspired me to break out the fall decor, and put me in the best mood (for the most part!). Autumn brings out the best in me--I love, love, love it! I love the scent of burning leaves and wood, the preparations for school, the anticipation of the holidays to come. There's just something about this time of year that is even more magical than Christmas to me. And of course, the new season promises change; a fresh start. That is exactly what we need and just one reason I am so thrilled fall is on it's way.


I am absolutely ready to embrace the possibility of a good life here and at Hannah's new school. I've been in survival mode for a while so I tend to forget to take care of me. Not only have I been feeling bad for myself but I'm also feeling bad for E & M not knowing anyone their ages (I knew Hannah would be making friends at school this year.) One day several weeks ago, I sat down and realized that I could look to see if there were any moms groups in the area. What a great way to meet other women who are in the same stage of life as me, make some friends, and enable my little ones to make friends too. I had belonged to a mothers- of- preschoolers group back home and was sad to leave it when we moved across country. And with the kids and I being homesick this summer I figured it was as good a time as any to find a new group. I was able to find one and have taken the kids to a couple playdates so far. It was the best thing I could've done! In fact, it's such a great group with so many things to do, that I've been having a ball filling up my calendar with playdates. That's where part of the craziness comes in! (it's a good craziness though)


I'm preschooling E & M here at home this year (because of her birthdate Emmy missed the kindergarten cutoff by 10 days out here---don't get me started; it's such a sore subject for me!), so I've got all kinds of themes, lessons and projects planned out. In fact, I have a huge daily schedule mapped out and posted by the kitchen. But then I've found all these cool events for the moms group, many of them taking place during the school day, mealtimes or naptime, so I'm like, "Agh! How am I going to fit all this in?! I wanna do it all! I don't want to choose!" So now I have to rearrange our daily schedule here and there to allow us to be able to make our new friends and have some fun. Not to mention Emily will going to speech therapy and I'm having a baby in December. What else can we throw into the mix? *chuckles*



I'm glad I went outside my comfort zone to apply for the group, and I can't tell you how much I have learned about the area and things to do in this short amount of time. Like I said, it's a good craziness. I just need to figure out how to fit in everything we need and want to do. These last few days have been the FIRST time I have had hope that we can enjoy living here. Before joining the group, I couldn't imagine ever feeling comfortable here or like we belonged, or even liking the place. (Ok, I still don't like the nearest town/area, but I believe being in this group will make it more bearable!)


Trav & I also have some friends from outside the group, and we are so glad to have them in our lives. One set lives out-of-town so we've only been able to get together once, and the other set just had their first baby, so their lives were quite different from ours until just recently. Nonetheless, we are grateful for all of them and hopefully we'll be a special part of each other's families over the years.


I finally feel like it's going to be ok. I still cannot wait to move away from this particular area, but now I think I will have many, many reasons to be sad the day we do. ©

Going Back in Time

I stayed up late last night looking through photos on my external hard drive and boy was I hooked. So many memories came flooding back. I can't believe how much my children have grown- right in front of my very eyes. Surprisingly I didn't get too teary-eyed. In fact, I found myself laughing out loud quite a bit. I am so, so grateful I've caught countless priceless moments on camera. Take this for example:

Hannah getting taken down by her 2 1/2 year old little sister. I can just hear Emmy yelling, "Hiya!" in an Asian accent. Priceless.

Or how about this one:

Maddie taste-testing the finger paint. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest she didn't like it.

Looking at old photos always stirs within me a desire to time travel  for one more chance to experience an event. Maybe to a time where I didn't make the most of my situation. Maybe to a time when we only had one child and therefore it didn't cost so much to go out to eat or to an event! Or maybe a time when I had the energy and focus to do all those fun, impromptu field trips or meticulously detailed lesson plans with my preschooler. Or how about back to a time when my mom was still alive and she, Hannah Banana and I would hang out. Sometimes I'd like to go back to when each of my children were first born, just to breathe in their intoxicatingly delicious newborn scent and hold their warm, floppy bodies close to mine.

I can get so caught up in everyday life that sometimes I don't even realize my kids grew in their sleep the previous night. And by the time I got to our third child, how easy it was to forget that everything is new to her and she deserves to be celebrated with as much gusto as her two big sisters were. Once-in-a-while, I don't feel like being Mommy for just that day and I don't have the ooomph I need to be creative. But then I get over my selfishness and I do notice something new in my children - or I'm the mom I want to be - and in my mind I sigh with contentment. "This is what it's all about. Being their mother is the best job in the world."

Looking through Maddie's baby photos last night made me long for a few more moments in that time of her life--oh, how I forgot how little she used to be! And then I realized I will  get to go through that baby stage one more time. While this baby caught us completely by surprise, I know that I need to make the most of this experience. It is my last time of having a newborn and I'm determined to capture a bajillion moments on film. One more chance to experience the exhausting yet precious moments of a new little person making their own special place in our family.

Baby #4

I admit though that photos can often make me sad, because I wonder where the time went and I can't figure out how to slow it down. When I do, I'll be sure to bottle it and sell it. I think one of the hardest parts for me as a mom is that realization that they aren't babies anymore. Our oldest daughter will begin third grade in a few weeks, which just blows my mind.

But at the same time, that's one of the best parts of being a mom. Watching your kids accomplish new things and becoming whoever it is they're supposed to be can be quite magical...and humorous or agonizing! I love that feeling of pride when my children show me they wrote their name all on their own for the first time. Or receiving homemade cards and macaroni necklaces. Watching them sing in a concert at school or going to a parent-teacher conference and hearing great things about my big kid also makes my heart want to burst.

Emmy's 1st Day of Pre-K. She did it!

There are so many joys to motherhood that I would willingly re-live it a thousand times over if I had to. But it's also trying enough that I am often grateful to only have this one shot to get it right. ©

Ta-Da!

I'm back!

For several years, I've dabbled in blogging and would invariably give it up. I can't even tell you how many blogs or blog names I've been through. (Ok, it's not really that many, but enough for me to forget.) Excuses? Not enough time to blog. Fear of weirdos reading about my family. Angry anonymous commenters who think they can force their bizarre views on me and change the world, and me, by telling me off. Indecisiveness about backgrounds, story ideas, using nicknames for my family or going completely private. Not liking my writing style. 

But I miss it. I miss my bloggy friends. I miss connecting with other moms out there in cyber space, who's own stories and challenges remind me that I am normal and that my family is pretty darn great. I miss my online diaries of events happening in my world; in my family. Even if no one else popped by to read the words I agonized over to get just right, I knew in my mind I was writing for my children. So that one day we could look back and say, "Ohhhhhh. I forgot all about that!" or "Wow, Mom, I didn't realize I was like that as a kid!"

I've realized recently that I'm having a hard time remembering who said what, or who certain things happened to....even with my 2 year old! Geez, shouldn't I be able to recall the things my 2 year old has experienced?! I feel like I'm losing it. (Maybe we can just blame it on the "pregnancy brain" hmmm?) I don't want to forget. I want them to remain my babies forever. Well, maybe not babies per se, but I just wish I could freeze time once-in-a-while. There's something extremely gratifying about cataloging the events, words said and snapshots of our days together, hence my need to create a blog... yet again.

With each new blog, and certainly this one, I think to myself, "This will be The One. This one is gonna convey exactly what I intended. I will make time to blog this time around. I will make the effort- whether in early morning or late at night- to write these things down for my kids. I will enjoy it."

And I hope you do too.©